Author: hoverfishSimon

You’re away from home and have lost your van keys. You’ve spent hours searching for them. You call an auto locksmith to program you a new key. The locksmith asks you to pop the bonnet open and you see this….

The key was in the bonnet lock. Customer saw the funny side though. They’d filled up with antifreeze earlier in the day and the keys were still in the lock. A second remote was programmed while we were there so it wasn’t a wasted journey.

Some Transit Customs once locked with the remote, cannot then be started with the non remote key that came with the vehicle. If the alarm is active the vehicle may be immobilised until the remote turns the alarm off. A spare remote will avoid you having to call somebody out to get you going.

Once I arrived late at night to replace a missing Transit remote. As I stepped out of my van I stood on something in the grass. It was the customer’s missing remote. A few times every year we have calls from customers who have lost their keys while canoeing in the River Wye. One time we had Audi keys been thrown on the bonfire. Once a customer flushed their Ford key down the toilet in Lydney Hospital.

Normally we program vehicles for a mix of different brands from a variety of countries and continents. Unusually the last 5 vehicles we’ve programmed keys/remotes for were all made in UK. (That’s probably jinxed it now and there’ll be a stream of Asian vehicles).

Admittedly Land Rover, Range Rover, Vauxhall and Jaguar are all under foreign ownership

Many BMW keys cannot be programmed via the OBD (on board diagnostics) port. This is more secure for you because an oik can’t just plug their computer in and steal your car. About the only negative is that it can be more difficult to replace a lost key. BMW dealers can provide a key ready cut and programmed for your vehicle but it may take several days to arrive.

If you can’t wait for a dealer to obtain a key, the BMW immobiliser (FEM, BDC, CAS or EWS) can be removed from the vehicle and the information read/written directly to the EEPROM chip. This can also be used to erase a missing or stolen key to prevent it starting the vehicle.

Proximity/smart keys with a push button start have their own security concerns. A criminal can relay the signal from your remote/key to the car and drive off. Consider where / how you store this type of key when not in use.

This is the second case of a dog chewed Navara proximity remote that we’ve had recently. Nissan must be making these remotes especially tasty. Or maybe people who own these trucks tend to own naughtier dogs.

If your remote looks like the one below, don’t be surprised if your truck doesn’t start.

Don’t worry if you don’t have a spare remote. They can be replaced without recourse to a dealer. Of course the simpler solution would be for the dog not to chew on it. Or get a cat instead.

There is one main reason we attend for vehicles with these Renault keycards. 90% of the time it’s because the card has become bent. One of the joints on the circuit board inside the case and it will no longer work. The car won’t start.

What causes this? Simple. Putting the keycard in your back pocket, then sitting on it.

In an emergency you may be able to get the card to work in the slot if you wedge something else such as a thin knife with it. This may squeeze the case together enough to make the connection and you can drive home.

Clio, Laguna, Megane, Master and other Renault can use this cards. They come in the type you have to put in the slot, and the handsfree type with push button start. We can replace both these types but it’s much cheaper for you not to sit on them in the first place!

You might wonder why car keys can be expensive to replace. Anything from 1990s onwards will be more than just a metal key. There will be a form of additional security such as immobiliser/transponder. Some car keys can be programmed easier than others. Many vehicles can be programmed just by plugging in specialist computer. Higher end and later vehicles can require complex procedures to produce a working key.

All keys lost for later Audi, Mercedes, Land Rover etc can be complicated. Take BMW keys for example. In an all keys lost situation it requires removal of the FEM/BDC as well as the ECU from the engine. In some cases it requires de-soldering of components off and on the circuit board. (Older versions of BMW use CAS/EWS systems which also require removal from the car).

An independent auto locksmith will normally be much cheaper than a dealer. A customer we helped today had lost the spare smart key for a Mitsubishi L200. They’d been told by the hire company it would be over £600 to replace it. (We charged a fraction of that). A lady customer was quoted £600 by a dealer for a simple chipped key for a Suzuki swift. That’s a ridiculous price. Fortunately they came to us instead.

Typically when it gets cold and frosty is when we are most busy with car lockouts. People leave the keys in the ignition with the engine running to warm up. Some cars automatically lock, leaving the customer embarrassed if they don’t have a spare. More often than not the first thing the customer says to me is “it’s never done that before”.

Also we see a spike in failed UPVC door mechanisms. Sometimes it’s because the old grease has hardened so much it’s almost turned into toffee. If the mechanism has broken you’re not going to rectify it with WD40, no matter how much you squirt in. If it hasn’t broken a strip down, scrape out, clean with solvent and re-lubricate is in order. Door misalignment is probably the major cause of failures though.

Car ignition barrels can fail at any time of year but there’s been a spate in the past few weeks. Work van ignitions are the bulk of ones we replace. Any dusty trades such as builders, plasterers, stonemasons etc suffer the worst. Three times a day we can get a phone calls for a work vans, the door locks don’t work, remote/vehicle flat. Sorry, if it’s deadlocked often the only way in is through the glass. If you know your door locks don’t work, get them replaced or it’ll cost more in the long run.

Lost or spare car keys are constant all year round although the number of spare keys drops off before Xmas. I assume this is because people are saving money for other things at that time of year.

Open 24 / 7 throughout. If you need a locksmith in Forest of Dean / Monmouth / Ross on Wye areas we are still working. We are still doing both routine and emergency work.

Reindeer keys locked in the car? Need to change locks to keep the weird uncle out? Elf’s UPVC door not locking? Don’t hesitate to ring if you need us, our Xmas cheese sandwich can go back in the fridge.

Car keys and remote replacement.

This type of Nissan remotes can be expensive from a dealer. The remote below shows the original Nissan Navara remote that had been chewed by a dog, alongside a new one just programmed in. The Murano, Juke and other vehicles use similar looking remotes.

One of the benefits of these smart/proximity remotes is that on most vehicles you do not have to put the key in the slot to start the vehicle. You can keep the key in your pocket and just press the start button (ok, maybe sometime press the clutch or brake too). You shouldn’t need to press lock/unlock on the remote to open/lock the car either – you can just press the little button on the door handle. (It’s surprising how often owners don’t realise this).

As with all proximity keys do consider where you store you keys in the house. If the car can still detect the keys inside the house, a thief can start your car and drive off without actually having the keys in his/her hand. Keep your keys at the opposite end of the house, or make or buy a box/pouch to shield them.

It is possible to programme both genuine Nissan remotes as well as aftermarket versions.

There are several reasons why your UPVC window won’t open. If the handle is turning but nothing happens it is likely that the mechanism inside the window is broken. If the window is jammed up we have several techniques to get it open and repair/replacement of broken parts.

It is common to be called to repair a window to find oil/WD40 squirted everywhere, the customer having tried to cure the problem. No amount of WD40 is going to make something like the examples we’ve removed below work again.

Typically window espags and gearboxes are made of brittle die cast metal. They can and do break with little provocation. They can normally be replaced fairly cheaply (compared to replacing the entire window).